No Guns Allowed in My Bar LyricsAnnouncer: Ladies and Gents settle down, settle down. Settle down back there, pay attention, I tell you! You, in the back: shut your yap!
The Cabaret D’Infernal proudly presents: your favorite hostess and mine, the one who makes everything possible, Anne Fernale!
Anne: Merci, mes amis, merci! Thank you for the warm welcome. But we are not here to talk about me
Look around you: my beautiful establishment is destroyed!
The night was young when they sat down
The cards dealt thick and fast
Cigars were smoked and drinks were downed
But something was wrong with those two
They claimed they were cheated and started a rout
And turned the table over
Then guns were drawn and knives came out;
My bar was completely destroyed!
I tell you lads, I mean it!
I want those fools brought in
They look on a lot when they tangled with me
They’ve gotten down under my skin
I tell you lads, I mean it!
Those bastards can’t get far
The rules are the rules
And everyone knows:
No guns allowed in my bar!
First things first:
The small one’s Owen, he started all this
By calling the dealer a cheat
Was losing his money hand over fist
Now, what’s the problem in that?
He slapped on the table and brought out his gun;
The rest of the bar followed suit
Snatched all the money and started to run
And was out the door into the night!
I tell you lads, I mean it!
I want those fools brought in
They look on a lot when they tangled with me
They’ve gotten down under my skin
I tell you lads, I mean it!
Those bastards can’t get far
The rules are the rules
And everyone knows:
No guns allowed in my bar!
Hick: Tell us about the second one
Anne: You mean the big one?
The big one’s big, what more can I say?
Despite that he’s not very bright
His money was mine ‘fore he started to play;
That could be what made him so mad
One look from his friend and he was on board
He stood and flipped over the table
Took down seven men, didn’t say a word
Just lumbered out into the night
Mes amis, I am bereft! I have given everything to my cabaret and to see it destroyed in one fell swoop...why, it’s almost too much to bear! As you can see, my fine establishment has been destroyed! Mauled! Ruined! I beg of you, do this for me. You will be rewarded most...handsomely
Unless they’re dead. I wanna do that part myself
I tell you lads, I mean it!
I want those fools brought in
They look on a lot when they tangled with me
They’ve gotten down under my skin
I tell you lads, I mean it!
Those bastards can’t get far
The rules are the rules
And everyone knows:
No guns allowed in my bar!
(Laughter and coughing)
